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Trying to find out what causes a porn addiction is as puzzling as trying to find out who is susceptible. There are some basic questions you may want to ask yourself to assess if you or someone you love is addicted to porn:
Is sex or thoughts of watching sex interfering with your life, work, or your relationships? Do you find yourself withdrawing from your partner so you can be alone to watch porn?
Is it becoming more difficult to desire your partner due to watching porn?
Do you feel disconnected from your partner due to watching porn?
Porn affects all genders, income brackets and sexual orientations. Viewing pornography on the Internet can happen at home, work, in the car, at a hotel, on an airplane or anywhere. Many people who are addicted to pornography have had dysfunctional families and may have suffered abuse verbally, physically or sexually. Before you point the finger and think only men have this problem let me reassure you that women have it too. In the last count, men outnumbered women but women were still a sizeable number. It parallels the number of women who struggle with alcohol/and or drug addictions.
Feelings of shame (staying up in the wee hours masturbating to pictures or going out to meet a stranger to have sex), secrecy (feeling you must keep this behavior secret to avoid trouble with your spouse or job), and sometimes abuse (in your efforts to deny the addiction you can get verbally and physically abusive with your spouse) are the emotions that eventually destroy your relationship. The addict cannot stop and they risk everything they once loved or cared about. They run huge debt on their credit cards (although many of the web sites are free, meeting up with the stranger is not), they suffer from lack of sleep, and they become increasingly irritable and withdraw from their spouse and or family.
How do we treat a porn addiction? Addiction to pornography is treated as a psychological addiction. There has to be an underlying reason for one’s addiction. The 12 Step Recovery Institute adopts a 12 Step Program from the Drug/Alcohol Program to be used for addiction to pornography. Porn addiction programs are successful, but according to Sneider who has worked extensively in this area the most important predictor of relapse after treatment is the failure of the partner to be involved in the treatment program. We could prevent pornography addiction if we could educate couples in regards to the dangers of pornography—what to look for, how to prevent it, and how to begin the tough conversation when you are suspicious. Experts say 85% of women were correct when they had a “gut feeling” their lover was cheating (pornography is another form of cheating), 50% of men were correct when they had a “gut feeling” their lover was cheating. One thing is for certain, if we continue to say “it will never happen to me” we will ensure the growth of pornography. Currently approximately 12% of total web sites available on the Internet are porn related. How many more families are we willing to sacrifice?
–Mary Jo Rapini
Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is featured on TLC’s new series, Big Medicine which completed season one and two. She is also a contributing expert for Cosmopolitan magazine, Women’s Health, First, and Seventeen magazine. Mary Jo has a syndicated column (Note to Self) in the Houston Chronicle, is a Love/Relationships columnist to HealthNewsDigest.com and “Ask Mary Jo” in Houston Family Magazine. She is an intimacy and sex counselor, and specializes in empowering relationships. She has worked with the Pelvic restorative center at Methodist Hospital since 2007.
Mary Jo is a popular speaker across the nation, with multiple repeat requests to serve as key-note speaker for national conferences. Her dynamic style is particularly engaging for those dealing with intimacy issues and relationship challenges, or those simply hanging on to unasked questions about sex in relationships. She was recently a major participant in a symposium for young girls dealing with body image and helping girls become strong women. Rapini is the author of Is God Pink? Dying to Heal and co-author of Start Talking: A Girl’s Guide for You and Your Mom about Health, Sex or Whatever. She has appeared on television programs including Montel, Fox Morning News and various Houston television and radio programs. Keep up with the latest advice at Mary Jo Rapini Email: [email protected]
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