Teen Health
Sex Texting and Your Teenage Son
By
May 12, 2009 - 8:21:40 AM

(HealthNewsDigest.com) - Today I had a parent in my office that was stunned and shocked because she had realized her son was involved with sending sex texts. She had happened upon these texts and photos after using his phone. Her son had left his phone in the car (accidently I am sure) as he left for soccer practice. Her face was white and she looked like she had seen a ghost as she sat in my office. I usually advise parent's that if they feel the need to check their children's cell phones and computers there may already be a problem. The issue of trust comes to mind rather quickly. If you are checking your child’s messages I am assuming you have good reason to be concerned or somewhat mistrusting in regards to your son's ability to be completely honest with you. In this case mom had read her son right, and now she has a reason to be concerned as to what he is receiving on his cell phone as well as what he is sending out. Sexting is becoming a serious offense. In many states it is grounds for a felony violation of anti-porn laws (which were established to protect children from predators). Without question this behavior is crude and juvenile but it shouldn't be tying up "courts". It should be discussed like many other tough issues with your child in your home. Parent's cannot stick their heads in the sand and think this will pass or that it isn't a big deal. It is a very big deal! A recent survey showed that 22% of teenage girls have sexted their own picture and 29%of teens have received such pictures third hand. Due to the fact that teens don't have a fully developed frontal lobe until the age of 21 or 22 years (the part of the brain responsible for controlling impulses and possible consequences of behaviors) and 99% of teens have a phone and peer pressure this is a dangerous situation.

The best advice I can give you (if your son is a minor) is to sit down with your son and begin a dialogue. Explain to him what this offense could mean to his future and how dangerous and disrespectful it may be to a girl even if she is the one sending the pictures. Girls are many times the aggressors but that doesn't make it all right to respond. Then talk with him about how you feel in regards to finding out that he had participated in this activity. Telling your child you are disappointed in them over a behavior is not only acceptable parenting; it is an important part of parenting. You are this child’s mentor and model. You must become engaged with your child. Just as you teach him about health, sexuality and responsibility, you must explain why this behavior is a violation and is against the law.
I would limit his ability to text messages and I would begin to enforce limits with owning a cell phone. I would construct a plan where he could earn his phone privileges back, but I would make it clear that the phone is a privilege and not a necessity. Take responsibility for parenting again. Sit down with him, dialogue, set up rules, and make sure you follow through with holding him accountable for following those rules. For more information go to www.maryjorapini.com

Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is featured on TLC’s new series, Big Medicine which completed season one and two. She is also a contributing expert for Cosmopolitan magazine, Women’s Health, First, and Seventeen magazine. Mary Jo writes her own column (Note to Self) in the Houston Chronicle and “Ask Mary Jo” in Houston Family Magazine. She is an intimacy and sex counselor, and specializes in relationships. She is a popular speaker across the nation, with multiple repeat requests to serve as key-note speaker for national conferences. Her dynamic style is particularly engaging for those dealing with intimacy issues and relationship challenges, or those simply hanging on to unasked questions about sex in relationships. She was recently a major participant in a symposium for young girls dealing with body image and helping girls become strong women. Rapini is the author of Is God Pink? Dying to Heal and co-author of Start Talking: A Girl’s Guide for You and Your Mom about Health, Sex or Whatever. She has appeared on television programs including Montel, Fox Morning News and various Houston television and radio programs. Keep up with the latest advice at http://maryjorapini.com

www.maryjorapini.com
http://maryjo.mymethodistblog.com/

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