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How to Talk to Your Kids About a Recent School Shooting
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Apr 17, 2007 - 4:12:22 PM

How to Talk to Your Kids About a Recent School Shooting

(HealthNewsDigest.com) - Yesterday’s shooting at Virginia Tech by a student who shot and killed 32 people was the deadliest mass shooting in U.S. history. Regardless of the location or age-group of the students, much of the nation struggles to understand the unending streak of school violence, and many students are experiencing intense sadness, anger, fear and, perhaps guilt.

Eminent psychologist and author Dr. Ken Druck, the nation’s foremost authority on school violence says, “Make yourself available. Talk about it.” He recommends the following 5 Do’s and Don’ts:

1. DON’T panic. Your child may already be upset. Avoid saying or doing anything that will make him more upset or scared.
DO be up-front with your child. Address his questions and concerns truthfully but sensitively.

2. DON’T expect you’ll have all the answers. As always, the best way to talk is to listen first. Try to understand what your child is going through.
DO act as a sounding board. Allow your child to ask unanswerable questions. Even more than answers, she needs to struggle with the “whys” that accompany tragedies like this.

3. DON’T present yourself as the all-knowing parent. There are no quick fixes or easy answers.
DO learn and understand all the facts before you make judgments about what happened.

4. DON’T make blanket assurances like, “This will never happen again.” Kids and teens don’t buy it. If he tells you he feels frightened, then his concerns are dismissed; he won’t bring them up again.
DO send the message that it’s OK to feel the way he feels. Discuss his school’s current disaster plan and ways to improve on it. Make it clear that you will work to make his school a safer place.

5. DON’T force your child to talk about the incident. They’ll talk when they are ready to.
DO talk about the incident when your child begins to open up. Provide your child with opportunities to grieve and express his emotions for as long as necessary.

Dr. Druck is founder of the Families Helping Families program and has worked with families at Columbine and Santana high schools, New York City after 9/11, and at other sites of tragedy. Dr. Druck has been interviewed on Oprah, Larry King Live, and several dozen shows nationwide. His latest book is How to Talk to Your Kids About School Violence.

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