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Guest Columnist Author: Dr. Leslie Seppinni, Psychotherapist Last Updated: Apr 23, 2009 - 8:29:17 PM



Who is Raising Our Children, “Social Networks” or Parents?
By Dr. Leslie Seppinni, Psychotherapist
Apr 19, 2009 - 9:43:01 AM

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As a novice “social networker” I am amazed at the disturbing influence “social networking” has on our youth.

(HealthNewsDigest.com) - Kids are no longer experiencing face-to-face forms of communication, but are isolating themselves behind computer monitors in the vain attempt to “connect” with other people around the world. Even more unsettling are the risks they are facing by communicating in this manner.

Children watch their parents come home from work, Blackberry in hand and march directly to the computer. Family members or friends spend hours on Internet dating sites, parents text their kids instead of speaking to them-- kids are free to surf the net without safeguards in place. Even free and seemingly innocuous sites such as Craigslist feature personal ads where the pictures and the content are too personal for a child’s eyes. Curious children no longer have to rely on Dad’s Playboy magazines hidden under the bed to get information about sex. Now, kids can find anything they’re wondering about online rather than having to wait to ask their busy parents.

A result of new technologies being used for communication, “sexting” has become a frightening epidemic among the teen population with sometimes disastrous results. “Sexting” is sending sexual explicate messages electronically, primarily with cell phones via text, email, or instant messaging. Nearly 40% of teens and 60% of young adults are “sexting” and according to www.thenationalcampaign.org, 20% of teens admit to posting nude or semi-nude pictures or videos of themselves online.

Some teens are even going so far as to use web cams to create their own home-based businesses posing naked on a regular basis which, for some, leads to prostitution. Teen behavior such as “sexting” only creates an opportunistic vehicle for an ever increasing ugly display of human predators.

It isn’t only physical danger that irresponsible Internet behavior can create. Federal law makes it illegal for anyone to create, share, send, post, or view sexual images of a minor. Those caught, which can include the teens sending the images of themselves, can be charged with possession of child pornography, leading to jail time and being branded as a “sexual offender.” It may seem innocent or fun for a 15 year-old girl to send a nude picture of herself to her 16 year-old boyfriend, however, both of their lives may be forever ruined by that one careless moment of what they thought was merely flirting.

Kristyn Bernier is an investigator with the Northern New England Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force. She recently polled students on their cell phone and internet activities, uncovering some shocking behaviors. Bernier reports that close to 29% of sixth graders she polled have cell phone cameras and 21% of the fifth graders she questioned admitted that they have web cams. The same survey showed 41% of fifth graders and 52% of sixth graders admitting to knowing they were chatting with someone older. Almost 34% of these children were unaware of the ages of those they chatted with and, more shockingly, did not care.

Parents who have caught their child interacting with peers sending sexual messages or pictures excuse the behavior. The “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” game has gotten way out of hand. Children don’t realize that the images they share online may end up circulating the internet for years to come. Children don’t have the mental capacity to differentiate a safe adult from one who may be a predator. Children have the tendency to feel indestructible which makes them even more vulnerable to not only predators, but also unable to comprehend any lasting repercussions on their futures.

Teens use sites such as MySpace and Facebook to stay in touch with their friends, not realizing what they put on the internet is there for the entire world to see. For 14-year-old Walter, social networking has already taken a severe toll on his education. A smart boy, he enjoyed seemingly innocuous banter with his friends on Myspace that was available for everyone to see. “Everyone” recently included the administration of the high school Walter desperately wanted to attend, and as a result his application was denied. He wasn’t rejected for the time he got suspended for bringing a lighter to school or the occasional C on his progress report, instead he was denied because of his “internet activity.” Now, Walter is crushed at losing his life-long dream, terrified of the gang-infested public school he now has to attend, and will likely be the recipient of a far inferior education.

Parents, teachers, and school administrators need to join forces to regulate access to and use of these new forms of communication. We take the time to childproof our homes and cars, so why aren’t we taking advantage of the same safeguards on technology? Begin blocking questionable or inappropriate Internet sites. Program cell phones to only call approved phone numbers. Programs must be implemented to counsel and educate kids on the potential long term repercussions of activities like “sexting” and unrestrained Internet use.

In addition, social networking also severely handicaps our children’s social development. Though it may be easy to think that giving children new and quick forms of communication is a good thing, it’s actually forcing our children to think less. Kids are no longer being taught how to have a face-to-face conversation, to make a phone call, write a letter to a pen pal.

This generation of children will be defined by loneliness and reliance on easy forms of interaction. In the past, kids could turn to family members, mentors, teachers, or even a good book for advice, guidance and comfort. Those were the lasting social networks that became life-long support systems. Now they turn to mysterious screen names, which form transient relationships. Even if someone in that “in-crowd” can brag that they have 572 MySpace friends, how many of those “friends” do they actually know? Even scarier, what do these people know about your children? What kinds of pictures do they have of them?

Take responsibility for your children’s safety and welfare. It may mean that you’re temporarily unpopular at home, but they’ll thank you later.


Dr. Leslie’s Top 10 Tips: Keeping Kids Safe Online

Educate yourself on the legal issues of “sexting.” There are federal and state guidelines limiting children’s participation in sexual displays and behavior.
Privileges such as cell phones, driving, recreational computer use, and video games should be offered based on good behavior. Even if a teen earns their own money, you have the right to know their spending habits. Keep tabs on ATM histories and read your teens’ billing statements to make sure they are not subscribing to or creating unauthorized websites.
If your children live under your roof, you have every right to monitor their behavior. Keep a close watch on your child’s social networking, games, cell phone and internet activity, and even their diaries. Their cell phones and computers are not their private property and should be used according to your rules.
Buy a limited number of minutes for kids’ phones and create a contract with your child as to how they may use it. Some providers offer parental control programs to limit talk time, hours of use, and blocks unwanted communication.
Set rules for the entire family. In order for anyone, even you, to be allowed internet or social networking time, they must earn it. Want more minutes on your cell phone? Spend equal time on a family bike ride. Want an hour online? Earn it by reading for an hour. You can even pick the same book for the entire family – instant book club!
Be sure to have an open and honest dialogue with your child about their intentions and expectations in social networking. Sit with them as they set up their account, giving you full access to their passwords and control over what your child posts.
Social networking should never replace quality face-to-face time with others. Interacting with their peers is an integral process in their social development.
Software such as Net Nanny, Safe Eyes, and CYBERSitter, make it easy to fully manage your family’s internet use and capabilities. Set daily time limits and receive activity reports. It’s easy to protect your child from online predators when you know exactly what they’re up to.
Children under 18 should only be allowed to use computers that are in a common area of your home not the bedroom. Check their computer’s internet history. Webcams should never be used unsupervised. Bedrooms doors should be open if kids are on the phone or have friends over.
Look out for anything out of the ordinary in the backgrounds of pictures. Make sure nothing that can be seen as sexual or inappropriate is posted. A picture in front of your house may display your address. Predators even pay attention to such details in a bedroom so they may pretend to have something in common with their intended victims. Be vigilant!

Make it an Excuse Free Life!

Dr. Leslie Seppinni, Psychotherapist

About Dr. Leslie

Dr. Leslie is a Doctor of Clinical Psychology (Psy.D) and Licensed Marriage Family Therapist (LMFT) with over 18 years of experience specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy. Based on her own journey overcoming adversity and her extensive clinical experience and education, Dr. Leslie’s “Excuse Free Living” philosophy focuses on “The 4 C’s: Curiosity, Conviction, Courage and Commitment.” Dr. Leslie’s extensive experience and background as a Crisis Intervention Specialist enables her to provide commentary and psychological analysis on a wide spectrum of topics relevant to recent headlines.

The National Mental Health Examiner for Examiner.com, Dr. Leslie has appeared on “CBS Evening News with Katie Couric” and CNN’s “Nancy Grace,” and has been quoted in numerous publications including BusinessWeek.com, Forbes, American Medical News, Atlanta Journal-Constitution, New York Daily News, In Touch Weekly and BBC Online.

Dr. Leslie holds a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Ryokan Psychology College, a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology from the University of Southern California (USC) and a B.A. in Sociology from University of California at Los Angeles (UCLA).

For more information on Dr. Leslie, please visit www.DrLeslieToday.com

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